milkylicious^^

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

It’s over.

Mike and I finally broke-up yesterday through text. I was really pissed. If not for that 3-page text message that I’ve sent to him by at least 5 times, we wouldn’t bother to tell me. Nakakaasar na kasi e. It’s been 3 days since he last texted me. I simply don’t know what happened to him, I don’t know what’s the problem or if were still together. So I decided to bombard his inbox and demanded some respect and courtesy to at least tell me the situation of our relationship.

He replied saying that he was so busy and that he couldn’t balance his work and our relationship. He said that he does not deserve me and it will just be our source of conflict in the future if we still continue with it. That’s bullshit!

First of all, even before, I already understood and accepted the nature of his work that its beyond time and always on-call. For me, all I asked is a single text everyday to tell me kung kamusta na siya or kung tuloy ba ang lakad. Maiintindihan ko na kagad yun no follow-up questions, no interrogations etc. A fucking single text is all I ask from him. Gaano ba kahirap yun? E mas madalas pa nga siyang pumunta sa CR at kumain kaysa dun. That text would not take 30 seconds of his time, hindi pa niya magawa yun. Second, if he’s so busy, bakit nakakainom pa siya with friends. Lets face it he just have problems in prioritizing things. I could never take his reason na marami siyang ginagawa sa trabaho dahil ang trabaho hindi naman nababawasan yan. It’s all about time management punyeta!

Eto pa ang kinasasama ng loob ko, he vicariously courted me for almost a month, fetching me from work, treating me out, constantly calls at home etc. And now, I can’t help it but to question kung bakit na lang siyang naging cold noong naging kami na. At first I admit na hindi ko siya mahal. As I said in my previous entries, sasagutin ko lang siya kung naclear ko na ang mga hesitations ko sa kanya at kung kahit papaano ay nakita ko na ang mga hinahanap ko. Pero ewan ko ba kung bakit ngayong sinagot ko na siya at mahal ko na yung tao siya bigla naman siyang lumayo sakin? May mga tao ba talaga ganun?

Sana mas kinilala ko na lang siya. Maybe 1 month isn’t long enough to get to know a person. Pero come to think of it, malay ko, kahit 1 taon pa niya akong ligawan, ganito pa rin ang gawin niya, mas masakit lang sa huli.

As of now, I’m really messed up. I can’t concentrate on my work, can’t eat as well as sleep. Nakakatawa nga e, bigla akong nilalagnat ngayon.

I’ve waited for this relationship for more than a year only to find out in the end that this affair would only last 2 weeks. Nakakatawa talaga! I did my best to make this relationship perfect for the both of us or at least to work out pero he just gave up on me so easily. He didn’t even tried. I tried to understand his situation and I have wholly accepted him as the person whom I’m going to spend my life for a long time; sa birthday ko, sa pasko, bagong taong, sa birthday niya hanggang sa anniversary namin. Nanghihinayang lang ako sa mga plans namin, that were going to live together on one roof, going to Baguio this September etc. Oh well, promises are made to be broken.

Our relationship only lasted for 2 weeks. The shortest I’ve ever been to. For some, you wouldn’t even consider this as a relationship kasi nga sobrang ikli. Nakakatawa talaga kung iisipin. Maski ako kung papayuhan ko ang sarili ko mabilis kong masasabi na “he’s not worth it!” Pero bakit ganun, ang sakit pa rin? Siguro masyado ko lang minahal talaga yung tao.

So dahil nga 2 linggo lang kami tumagal, I hope I could easily recover by half of the period we stayed as a couple. So here’s my moving on schedule hahaha!

Moving On Schedule

Monday: Denial

Our break-up didn’t sank-in to me yesterday. It was just a normal day as if nothing happened. Gone out with my friends, had dinner and drank ice-cold beer from Sarah’s etc. I just cried not because of our break-up but my friends are forcing me to cry. The day ended up me drunk.

Tuesday: Anger

Di ba halata sa blog na ‘to na may bitterness at anger ang nagsulat?
I just cried the whole day!

Wednesday: Bargaining

Tomorrow, I’m going to text Mike if we could meet and talk about it.
Mahal ko talaga yung tao e. I’m hoping for a one last chance. Kahit babaan ko pa pride ko at ireconcile ang integrity ko gagawin ko. Bahala na.

Thursday: Acceptance

As the stage says, I will accept na wala na kami.
I will cry for the last time.

Friday: Forgiveness

I will text Mike my final message to him.
I will tell him na hindi ako galit na naiintindihan ko siya. That there would be no bad memories that reminded me of him.
I will say “I love you” for the last time

Saturday: Moving On

I will delete all of his texts and contact numbers on my phone.
I will have a celebration with friends,
Inuman to the max!

PS: Sige Liam lokohin mo sarili mo!

4:10 PM